Voice Check October 1, 2003 12:00 am

Why would he do a voiceover for a horror film? Simple: back before he became famous, he was the narrator of the original version. 6:42am
 

Flu Shot schedule October 1, 2003 12:00 am

 
With the beginning of October comes the start of flu season, and word is there's a really nasty strain out there this year, which makes it even more important for everyone to get a flu shot.

Always hated them when I was a kid, cause after every time I took one I got a cold. Later I found out that was the idea: getting a cold helped kick the antibodies into high gear, and made getting a more serious case of the flu that much more unlikely. (The same principle was used in the invention of the vaccination in the first place: giving people a mild case of cowpox prevented them from getting the much more serious, and deadly, smallpox.)

The Visiting Nurse Association is once again traveling around town, giving out their flu shots (well, not "giving" -- ya gotta pay for them). Here's the schedule of where they're gonna be on which days and times (need Adobe Reader for this one). 6:37am
 

Happy Anniversary Baby, Got You On My -- Mi-ind October 4, 2003 12:00 am

 
I had intended to talk tonight about today being the first anniversary of this rant page, reminisce about some of the things I've talked about over the last twelve months, catch up on a few things, stuff like that.

However, I just got a call from work, asking me to fill in for an ill co-worker tomorrow. Since I had absolutely nothing else planned for Sunday, and there's overtime pay involved, I'll be there tomorrow, meaning I have to get to bed in about a half-hour, and I still have to feed the cats.

Just as well, I had no idea where to begin my reminisces anyway. 9:50pm
 

General VCR Alerts October 7, 2003 12:00 am

 
The fall season is now well underway, and although most of the critics and their articles are discussing network programs, there are a few series on cable that have become part of my "Must-See TV":

Clean Sweep (Weekdays, 5pm CT, TLC): I realize I had this show listed as a Sign of the Apocalypse when it was first announced, but from the initial description it sounded like crap. After watching it, however, it's really not all that bad. The crew comes into a couple's home, completely remove all the clutter from two rooms within the house, and do a total makeover of both rooms, while the couple stays outside, going through the clutter on Day One, working with a professional organizer to whittle down the stuff into a more managable pile, and putting the rest into a Day Two Yard Sale.
As with all the other DIY shows, some very nice helpful hints. I would be a prime candidate for this show, if it weren't for the fact that there's no second person living here to assist in creating the clutter, although I'm told I do a pretty good job of it myself. In fact, if it weren't for that two-person rule, TLC could merge three of their shows together and do a three-hour special on me called While You Were Out Learning What Not to Wear We Did a Clean Sweep.

Make Room for Baby (8pm CT Tuesdays & 1pm CT Saturdays, Discovery Health Channel): This series debuted last week which I am thankfully not eligible for. While the parents-to-be are at the hospital giving birth to child, this crew makes over one of the rooms in their house into a nursery.

The Joe Schmo Show (also 8pm Tuesdays, replays Sundays @ 7pm & Mondays @ 10pm CT, Spike TV): The only reality show I'm even remotely interested in, because the whole thing's a fake. Only one of the contestants is actually participating for the $100,000 top prize (which I assume he's going to get regardless of the outcome). The other eight contestants are actors participating in one very long improv session, all for the benefit of the real player, who (supposedly) has no idea the whole thing's just one big set-up.
I said 'supposedly' because the real guy at times is just too nice. Plus, whenever the plot needs to be moved along quickly it seems that he steps in and helps them do so, and the others hardly have to do a thing to help. In one of the athletic games performed on the show (this one rigged so that he'd win), he accidentally injured one of the actors. He felt so guilty in winning the prize afterwards (a trip to a resort spa) that he gave the prize to the injured actor, which of course provided the producers with a magnificent plot twist that they could, and did, exploit.
I hope the guy's on the level, and that, once the truth is revealed to him, he doesn't hold any grudges. But I seriously would not be surprised one bit if it turned out that he was in on it from the beginning, and the joke is on everybody else. 10:06pm
 

The 260th Sign of the Apocalypse October 8, 2003 12:00 am

 
Governor Ah-nold. 'Nuff said. 6:40am
 

All the News That's Fit to Flat-Out Lie About October 9, 2003 12:00 am

 
Regular readers are well aware of my disdain for the group of misfits that collectively call themselves the Fox News Channel, and how it thrills me no end to find articles that display them as the idiots they are.

A study conducted at the University of Maryland and Knowledge Networks' Program on International Policy Attitudes show that people who watch Fox News have more serious misconceptions about the war in Iraq than those who watch any other major broadcast news outlet. The second paragraph in this article pretty much says it all:

Almost half think that Iraq and Al Qaeda have been linked, a quarter think that world opinion favored the war, and 23 percent think that weapons of mass destruction have been uncovered, according to a new study. None of those statements about the war is true.

prop•a•gan•da
Pronunciation: (prop"u-gan'du),
—n.
1. information, ideas, or rumors deliberately spread widely to help or harm a person, group, movement, institution, nation, etc.
8:17pm
 

Hasta la Vista, Baby October 13, 2003 12:00 am

 
I am now in the third day of my unemployment. The layoff went as scheduled Friday (you'll notice that I've already changed my countdown timer), and as yet there is no word about the openings coming up in the other department (still not gonna mention where I work as I might be going back there; suffice it to say during the four years I spent there the company went by three different names). Supposed to know something in the next couple of weeks, but I'm not holding my breath quite yet.

The other facility went ahead and watched the network by themselves starting last week, so there wasn't much for us lame ducks to do. I finished up the end-of-month paperwork that I normally do, but the rest of the time was pretty much spent staring at each other. I'm already missing the guys that went out to that other facility. Not missing their political tirades and love of the Fox News Channel, however.

As soon as we found out about the layoff 2½ months ago, one of the guys staying behind went out and bought himself a bar. After we all got kicked out Friday (a few hours early, I might add, but not complaining; nothing to do anyway as all the computers had already been packed up) we reconverged at the bar, where I strayed from my running joke with the gang:

Joke was, the only time I would ever go out drinking was when I went out of town for a training class. Wednesday would always be Get Drunk Night. Tried lots of different drinks, and loved most of them. Would always go drinking while I was away because where we'd go was always within walking distance of the hotel. Don't usually drink in town because I'd have to drive myself home (my friends never want to drive me home because I live way out of their way on the west side of town).

Friday I decided to break that pattern: don't lose your job every day, after all. Had one beer when I first got there (but no more due to all the medication I'm currently on), then washed it down with several Pepsis and several more trips to the bathroom before heading home. Did learn some interesting dirt on some of the old gang, though. Isn't it always the way: don't find out about the good stuff until it's too late to blackmail them with it. (Just kidding) At least it's good to know that my instincts were on the money after all.

In all seriousness, this was the best job I've ever had, and I hope to be back there soon in some other capacity. This was also the best group of people anybody could ever hope to work with, and I will miss them a lot. Please keep in touch, guys. 12:05pm
 

The Ultimate Collection of "Rats!" October 14, 2003 12:00 am

 
Fantagraphics Books has just announced that, beginning next April, they will begin reprinting every Peanuts newspaper cartoon ever made!!! Each book will contain two years' worth of strips, and will be released every six months in chronological order. With fifty years of strips, this means we're looking at a twenty-five volume collection.

And with Volume 1 coming out in April, that means volume 25 won't be released until October of 2016! At $28.95 a pop, this is one of the best gifts someone could give. 12:17pm
 

The 261st Sign of the Apocalypse October 17, 2003 12:00 am

 
We all saw it coming. Fan Interference, based on the guy in the stands who kept the Cubs' curse alive.

Quite frankly, I'm a little surprised it took this long to announce it. 12:32pm
 

Proud to Be an American October 18, 2003 12:00 am

 
Because of the dangers from Hurricane Isabelle approaching Washington, DC a few weeks ago, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment.

They refused.

Soaked to the skin, marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a serviceperson.

The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930. 10:47am
 

Voice Check: Identity Confirmed October 20, 2003 12:00 am

 
I was right, it is John Larroquette reprising his role as the narrator in the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I've never seen the original version, but after watching the new one, I'm not sure I want to. Way too scary & gruesome.

While on the subject of new movies, I have to recommend Kill Bill, Vol. 1. Never been a big Tarantino fan, but I loved this one. I can easily see why he didn't want to edit the movie down, forcing the studio to release it in two parts (the other half comes out in February). Works better this way: the cliffhanger (which, BTW, doesn't occur until the middle of the closing credits) is keeping me on pins & needles waiting for Vol. 2.

On the other hand, House of the Dead can easily be skipped. Nothing more than a bunch of special effects some people had laying around and decided to slap a horror movie around them. Not worth the moolah. 1:01pm
 

Proud to Be an American, Part II October 24, 2003 12:00 am

 
A reporter for the Fox affiliate in Oakland, CA, died recently after a long bout with breast cancer. Hundreds of people attended the memorial service, according to this story.

What the article doesn't mention, however, was that the rival NBC affiliate in town provided coverage of the service for their nightly newscast, then proceeded to give the Fox affiliate a copy of the tape for their news, so that all of the Fox staff could attend the service.

Stories like this help restore one's faith in humanity. 3:57pm
 

Thought of the Day October 26, 2003 12:00 am

 
If you feel offended by the term suburban, try using its alternate counterpart: superrural. Technically, they're the same thing. 9:45pm
 

VCR Alert October 26, 2003 12:00 am

 
This Tuesday, SpikeTV airs what they maintain is the season finale of The Joe Schmo Show (8pm CT). This is the big one, the episode where he finds out that he's been duped. Or we and all the actors learn that we've been duped. Either way, there's gonna be duping galore Tuesday night.

On Wednesday, there's a choice between the season premiere of That 70's Show (7pm CT, Fox) and the debut of the new Darrin-altered Laurie, or Daily Planet reporter Perry White showing up in Smallville (7pm CT, WB). 9:53pm
 

Are THEY Ready for Some Football? October 26, 2003 12:00 am

 
Due to numerous wildfires in the southern California area, this week's Monday Night Football game has been moved to Tempe, Arizona, home of the Cardinals. Something not seen since 1989: a regular-season NFL game with two visiting teams. 9:33pm
 

Flu Shot Schedule Update October 28, 2003 12:00 am

 
The link for flu shot locations in the Tulsa area has changed, and has been updated to incluse sites for the remainder of the year. I'm planning to get mine today. 10:22am
 

Points to Ponder... October 31, 2003 12:00 am

 
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

4. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

5. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

6. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

7. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

8. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

9. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

10. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

11. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

12. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

13. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

16. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

The above were sent to me in an e-mail. Some of them are just straight jokes, but some of them I've actually wondered about. One of them that I didn't include I actually know the answer to:

17. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Reason: when you blow in your's dog's face, you have to pucker your lips, the same as if you're going to whistle. Well, when you do that you actually are whistling, just at one of those high frequencies that people can't hear but dogs can.

So the dog isn't getting mad because you're blowing in his face, he's getting mad because you're whistling at him, probably very loudly. 8:30am